"Leveraging" Wives as a Tactic

The U.S. Army in Iraq has at least twice seized and jailed the wives of suspected insurgents in hopes of "leveraging" their husbands into surrender, U.S. military documents show.

In one case, a secretive task force locked up the young mother of a nursing baby, a U.S. intelligence officer reported. In the case of a second detainee, one American colonel suggested to another that they catch her husband by tacking a note to the family's door telling him "to come get his wife."

The White House has scrubbed all photos from the "Tactics" and "Highlights" sections of the military yearbook this year. The one with Bushie and the two seized wives sitting at his feet, one suckling her child, was a little much. And besides, they're irrelevant to the, uh, investigation.

The military has implemented its "Jethro Bodine" spouse detention strategies, after several pilot programs in the United States were extremely successful. Family pets, prized livestock, and treasured heirlooms are also routinely threatened and kidnapped in order to show our enemies that there are no depths to which they can sink where we can't locate them.

All lives are forfeit to Zod.